Friday, September 11, 2015

Theme Translation

The original theme song for the 1966 Batman television program is Batman. The hero and his tune are inseparable. I’m not sure what people did without it for the first twenty seven years of his existence. I can’t see an image or symbol of Batman’s without getting that musical hook stuck in my head. “Na na na na na na na na…”

When Batgirl arrived on the scene, the writers decided to add a bit with her returning to her own “Batcave” on a tricked out purple motor scooter. Here’s how the planning for this plays out in my head:

Writers: “So, as she rides down the street, she’ll push a button. A section of brick wall will lower, then seal back up after she drives inside.”
Yes-men: “Genius!”
-3 months later-
Post-Production: “Um, guys? What are we supposed to do for audio over this sequence? As it is, she’s just zooming down the street. Do we want ambient traffic noises? Is there a voice-over or something?”
Writers: “Oh, crap! Uh… well, bounce it over to the music guys. Get them to write whatever to put over it.”
Post-Production: “Are you sure?”
Writers: “Yeah, why not? The theme song is gold. Hey, have them give her a theme song! Something swingin’!”
-Twenty minutes later-
Music Department: “They want us to do what?!”
Post-Production: “Hey, man, don’t, uh, Batarang the messenger. They want a Batgirl theme song, probably about 45 seconds long, for a vehicle sequence.”
Music Department: “But what about lyrics? They’re the word people.”
Post-Production: “We have faith in you; the show’s theme song was a pretty big success, after all.”
Music Department: “The theme song is just the word ‘Batman’ over and over again.”
Post-Production: “Is it? Huh. Well, people like it! You’ll figure this one out, too. Just make sure it’s outta sight.”
-Two weeks later-
Writers: “What the hell is this?!”
Yes-men: “It’s, uh… modern.”
Writers: "We're never using this again." Yes-men: "That's probably for the best."

The reason I think that the song was last minute is because the whole thing is pick up like after pick up line. Though the lyrics are very 60s, so they're a bit difficult for a 21st century audience to understand. That's good, because over half of the audience in my home is under the age of six, and the content of the song isn't appropriate for that age group. It's also too bad, because I wouldn't mind if my three year old was singing anything other than the Batman theme at the top of her voice, every single moment of the day. Because this is The Internet (and also for my own amusement), I decided to translate Batgirl's disastrous theme song out of swingin' 60s slang and into the more comprehensible language of today. I can only assume that my version is a true-to-life representation of the way "hip" "young" people speak to one another in today's world. Batgirl, Batgirl!
Batgirl, Batgirl!
I would like to get to know you better.
Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?
Batgirl, Batgirl!
Batgirl, Batgirl!
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Those are some nice shoes. Do you want to make out?
Are you currently in a committed, exclusive relationship?
Batgirl, Batgirl!
Seriously, are you in a committed, exclusive relationship?

Now all that's left is to put it to the original music. ...There might be just a few timing issues.