Of Phones and Kittens' Whiskers

This “smaller and thinner is better” trend in the communications business is not necessarily a good thing. I am more of the “it won’t break even if I use it to prop a car engine against my leg as I lift it out of the car” school of thought.

My first cell phone was one of those flip ones, hefty, with an extendable antenna and 17 buttons. It was before texting was popular, and in fact, I don’t think I sent a single text with that phone. I used it to talk. I dropped it several times, often accidents occurred, things such as the phone leaping out of my lap when I got out of the car or falling out of my pocket. It had lots of battle scars by the time I retired it.

More recently, I have shunned the more popular touch sensitive telecommunications devices in favor of something with a button to push. For me, the best fit was Verizon’s Samsung Alias. It flips open to talk, then when closed, is able to be flipped open the other way to operate the QWERTY keyboard. I upgraded to the Alias 2 when it showed up, a slightly thinner version, the function of whose keys change depending on how the lid is flipped. It’s pretty sweet, but it’s getting old.

I need a phone that has some heft to it. Something that won’t splinter its screen if it’s accidentally stepped on (like when I accidentally crunched my husband’s kindle to death yesterday), and that will hold up if I happen to drop it from various heights onto various hard surfaces (such as concrete).

My Alias 2 is able to access the internet, but it’s kinda clunky. I wouldn’t mind having something that makes that process easier, but I’m not a businessman or a person who needs to be intravenously connected to the internet 24/7, so what I have is fine for now. My father loves to poke fun at all the bells and whistles that new phones have: “Know what I can do with mine?” he asks eagerly. “I can push this button, and then actually talk to another person!"

I love the comedians who make fun of the way electronics are slowly becoming tinier and tinier. My favorites are Zoolander with his phone the size of a thumbnail, or the SNL sketch with Will Ferrell rolling into the stylish clothing store on his motorized mobility cart, checking his email with some binoculars on a device that he wears as a ring, then crashing out again: “I’ll meet you there in two shakes of a Persian kitten’s whiskers."

Someday (probably soon), I will probably have to get a new phone. I will miss my “simple” Alias 2, with its actual buttons. I hope I can get something that won’t splinter to pieces the first time it is a victim of my electronic-squishing tendency. I hope that I will be able to use it to talk to another person without accidentally squashing buttons with my face. But most of all, I hope that it will be significantly larger than a Persian kitten’s whisker.