The Stench

My brother and I have noses that have been described as “large and sensitive.” I don’t like harsh or overpowering (or as I like to call them, “loud”) smells. I appreciate being in “tobacco free” areas like schools or hospitals that are clear of all the stinky smells of cigarette smoke. I like to breathe in a nice lungful of fresh, non-gross smelling air.

There’s always somebody willing to rain stench on my nose-parade.

Who taught the class on drenching oneself in cologne? Did the collective mind of young adult males decide in 2003 that Axe body spray was not only their spokes-smell, but that everyone was required to be dipped in a vat of it before leaving the house?

From The Oatmeal's The 10 Types of Crappy Interviewees

This is not a joke. The other day I was breathing happily and suddenly got a snortful of cologne, and it was at least a minute before I identified the culprit. Light may travel faster than sound, but gentlemen, smell travels faster than light.

And yes, I suppose it is better to smell like an entire can of body spray than ooze the funk of the gunk between your toes, but I am asking on behalf of the sensitive nose community: can you find a happy medium? Everything in moderation. Maybe take a shower before you put your cologne on instead of taking a shower in the cologne. Then you wouldn’t have to use as much. You can bequeath that vat to your children. And your children’s children.

And then the people of the world can breathe easy once again.