Everybody, Everybody

The summer after I graduated from high school, my friend Matt told me about a hilarious website. I went home and looked it up, and watched my first Strong Bad Email on a computer without sound. It was less amusing that way, but when I did find a computer that worked, I became an instant fan.

homestarrunner.com is a site that features cartoons made by “The Brothers Chaps,” Mike and Matt Chapman. The stars of these cartoons are several characters that look as if the brothers took a sketchbook full of doodles and picked out the silliest ones to give a voice (by Matt and Mike’s wife Missy) and personality (animated by Mike) to.

There is a button in the top right corner of the main page with the words “first time here?” on it. A short cartoon plays, and Homestar Runner welcomes you to the webpage. Or he tries to. Eventually Strong Bad shoves him aside, stating, “You don’t know it yet, but I’m the reason you’re here. Seriously.” Homestar sticks his head back in, adding, “It’s true!"

The site began in 2000, with several cartoons featuring Homestar Runner and his pal Pom Pom, with bad guys Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat, in addition to several background characters. When I first discovered the site, they had already begun Strong Bad Emails, but they had just barely reached 50 emails.

It would take a very careful observer to measure how much of my speech comes from homestarrunner.com quotes. I only notice when I’m quoting something when I change my voice to do it. I notice I’m quoting H*R.com when I sing, “Y-O-U-R! Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E! They’re as different as night and day-hey! Don’t you think that night and day are different? What’s wrong with you?” (From the easter egg in the local news sbemail). But I don’t necessarily pay attention to the fact that I’m quoting from the website when I say things like “I’m hesitant” (from an episode of Teen Girl Squad).

Occasionally I will get a text message from my brother which says something like: “Marzipan, look. This is Goatface. I have a goat for a face. Like, not that I have a goat’s head for a face or that my head is a goat’s head; my face is an entire goat.” (From Marzipan’s Answering Machine #12.) I will often respond with the next line, or something that the quote reminds me of, like, “You know good’n’well that I’ve dreamt of bein’ in a Goatface Club ever since I was a moderately-sized baby!"

My first year in college, one of my friends and I would watch sbemail #58 every night before we went to bed. “Trogdor was a maaaan... I mean, he was a dragon-man... or maybe he was just a dragon... but he was still TROGDOR!!!” This also influenced our language: we began to pronounce “dragon” with the g and r switched. We even called innocent dragons that had nothing to do with homestarrunner.com “dagron”s.

The only person who did not seem to be dying to exchange quotes with me and watch the cartoons over and over with me was my husband. He’d shrug and say “eh, I just don’t find it that funny.” To which I would respond, gesturing at the computer screen, “but it’s hilarious!” At least he didn’t mind that I continued to constantly consume the site’s new content as well as the old. One day I walked into the living room to find Strong Bad on the computer screen, and to my amazement, my husband was sitting in front of it. He submitted to questioning, & sheepishly admitted, “I guess I kinda like it."

Tragically, in 2009, the updates began to drop off. The Brothers Chaps were moving on and up to bigger and better things. Together with Telltale Games, they made a five episode Strong Bad video game. Strong Bad is also featured in Poker Night at the Inventory (alongside Tycho of Penny Arcade, The Heavy from Team Fortress, and Max of Sam & Max), a game where the user plays poker with and listens to the chat between the other players.

Those who troll the Homestar Wiki still watch vigilantly for updates. I’ve never been one of those fans who yell things like “HOW DARE YOU GO ON A HIATUS FROM WORKING HARD TO SHARE FREE CONTENT ON THE INTERNET, YOU TERRIBLE PERSON!!!!1!” I don’t often check the website anymore, but when I do it’s not just to see if there’s something new.

I usually go to homestarrunner.com to watch old cartoons and remember the fun times that were had when I was first watching them or sharing them with someone else. If The Brothers Chaps decide that they want to start making more cartoons starring the H*R crew, I’ll be there. If they never do again, that won’t stop me from enjoying what they’ve already shared.

But don't take my word for it. I think that everybody, everybody will enjoy at least some part of homestarrunner.com. And if you do, let me know. I will give you the highest of fives. (Except for you, Nebulon. No one likes your style.)