A Passionate Plea for Part of this Complete Breakfast

“We’re sorry, the Store Locator does not show any chain grocery stores or chain pharmacies that carry this product within a 50-mile radius of the zip code you entered.” -http://www.quakeroats.com/products/product-locator.aspx

To whom it may concern:

I would like to address the problem of a certain product missing from the shelves of local grocery stores. I think you know what I’m talking about. That’s right: Quaker Oh!s. It’s all very well and good to stock the oatmeal, Life cereal, and even the Oatmeal Squares, but this empty spot on the shelf where the Oh!s should be has got to be filled. With Oh!s. I understand not stocking the official Hot Dog of the Husker Nation, this being Buffalo central, but Quaker Oh!s do not have any sports affiliation, college or otherwise.

Is this simply a case of hating joy? Because that is what this cereal brings to me. Two boxes can barely get me through ten days. My only way to get ahold of this delicious stuff is having my mother bring it from 500 miles away or by purchasing it on Quakeroats.com’s online store, where I can only get it in a 12 pack for over fifty dollars or a 2 pack for less than ten, although if I only buy two, they will then turn around and charge me more than the cereal costs in order to ship it. My mother is compensated by being allowed time to play with her granddaughters when she comes to visit, just as long as she hands over the breakfast deliciousness first.

I suppose an excuse that might be used is that in this region, there is no demand for this product. That is not a valid excuse, because I can be plenty demanding. Myself and this very disgruntled group of people that I just made up will come and bring imaginary torches and pitchforks and shouting to whichever location we decide would be best to storm as a pretend mob. Although if you find it in your hearts to bring this product to the area, I would be favorably disposed toward you, and probably give a hug or two. I can’t speak for the rest of the mob, though. They’re a fickle bunch.

In conclusion, please bring this delicious breakfast cereal to the area. It’s for your own good. And mine. You wouldn’t want to let a woman go hungry (until lunchtime), would you?