Pockets, Please

The pants I wear to work don’t have pockets in them.

WHAT IS THE DEAL, FASHION

I have never liked carrying tons of stuff around with me everywhere I go, but some stuff is necessary. People need keys. Their phone. A couple of bucks and maybe a driver’s license. The best place for these things is on your person. If you put them in a bag, the first thing you’re going to do when you get to your friend’s house, that wedding reception, or the club is put them down. Nobody brings their purse along to the dance party. Your stuff is probably safe at your friend’s house, but if you leave it on a table in public, somebody might walk off with it, which will leave you walking home at the end of the evening to a locked apartment.

You could ask someone to hold your things for you, but eventually they’re going to get sick of that. You could check your purse at the coat check, but does anywhere actually do that anymore? And even if they do, then you’re stuck carrying a ticket around with you so you can get your stuff back. There’s always the classy, attention-catching move of sticking your phone in your bodice. It’s not terribly alluring. People tend to think things like “That looks uncomfortable!” and “What’s wrong with that girl?” and “I wonder why she put her phone in her bra.”

Who can we blame for this? Is it our fault for not buying clothes to hold our possessions? Or is it the fault of fashion that the cutest dress ever that we couldn’t resist buying has nothing to aid us in toting our stuff around except a low cut top?

Where do I sign the petition to make pockets a fashionable thing? There is no way that it is impossible to design something cute that also has room for your car keys. Or maybe we should just all stop buying things that don’t have pockets in them. And no, stuff that has a fake pocket on it doesn’t count.

Come on, fashion. Help us out, here. We all need secret compartments on our person to conceal objects that we can use to pay for stuff, get into our car later, or call a friend for a ride.

WE DEMAND POCKETS.