Meh-kfast

There are those who worship waffles, who exhalt eggs, who savor sausage. There are some people who would order breakfast food for every meal of the day if they didn’t stop serving it at 10:30 to make way for the lunch menu. Some people even wake up extra early in the morning to make a feast that looks like one of those “complete breakfasts” that they claim that marshmallow cereal is a part of in the commercials.

I am not one of those people.

Don’t get me wrong, I am of the opinion that bacon is the food of the gods, but I could do without all that other stuff. I’ll eat eggs, but only on the rare occasion. I’ll gnaw on a pancake or waffle if it’s offered to me by a host and I don’t want to be rude. French Toast is right out.

Maple syrup is disgusting. I never liked it, but the first time I was pregnant, it became one of those smells that I just couldn’t stand. The one thing I liked maple syrup in was my mother-in-law’s sweet potato casserole, but now I can’t be in the same room with it.

Some people only drink at parties or with a certain group of friends. I am a Social Breakfaster. When left to my own devices, in the morning I will eat cereal with milk or an English muffin smeared with peanut butter. But if a big group of friends or my family comes to visit and everyone else wants to go out for breakfast, I will go along and have some too.

I like to order Chicken Fried Steak & Eggs. Toast instead of pancakes, hashbrowns, and I could do without the eggs, but that would be like ordering Chicken Fried Steak & Eggs without the chicken fried steak. I cringe when the server brings the syrup caddy for my husband, who has inevitably ordered a waffle or french toast smothered in some kind of fruit, which he then douses in maple syrup.

He wonders why I’m not overly excited about buying him a waffle iron. It’s because I know what will happen: every Saturday he will wake up early to make most of a “complete breakfast,” and he will want to bring maple syrup into my house. So far we have been able to compromise with blueberry syrup, which is still too sticky and sweet for me but at least doesn’t make me want to flee the room.

To conclude, I can sum up my feelings about breakfast foods with one word: Meh. I don’t judge you for hating mushrooms (which are totally delicious. More for me), so don’t judge me for my dislike of breakfast foods (it’s just more for you)! And I will continue to live a fulfilling life without constantly eating scrambled eggs and waffles; a happy life, completely devoid of maple syrup.