Monday, May 6, 2013

A Few of My Favorite Things (Always Break)

Have you ever had a really awesome pair of jeans? Like the kind that you’ve had so long that they fit you perfectly and you’d rather wear them than anything else you own? Or maybe it’s a writing utensil that you use at every meeting, that never leaves your side, and chances are that if you’re writing, you’re using it? Or perhaps it’s a computer or laptop that’s six or seven years out of date that has all the buttons just where they’re supposed to be and when you try to use someone else’s, none of the buttons are where they need to be, or (horror of horrors) they don’t actually have any buttons at all (I’m looking at you here, tablet users).

No matter who you are, it’s probable that you have at least one treasured possession. Maybe it’s a fancy smartphone. Maybe it’s your car. Maybe it’s your shoes. Whatever your favorite thing is, the rule of the universe dictates that it will break. Stuff wears out. It gets battered. It runs out of ink. It rips. It tears. It cracks.
The other law of the universe regarding stuff is that when you go back to the store to get a new one, the manufacturer will have made changes, to produce a “better” product, so you will not be able to replace the thing you love. And even if you do somehow manage to procure a product exactly like the one you had before, it will not be “broken in” like your previous possession. You’ll have to bend the rim of the hat until it’s just like the one you had before, and probably wear it for a couple of months before it feels even remotely the same. (And even then, that’s mostly likely because you’ve just gotten used to the new thing and not because it’s like the old thing at all.)
Man. Stuff breaking is the worst.
I keep old pairs of jeans in the bottom of the closet when I have to go buy new ones. Even if they’re too small (or too big). That way, I’ll be able to wear my new jeans twice and then go back to wearing my old ones for a couple of days, just to complain to them that the new ones I got just aren’t as good.
My friends and I used to have pen funerals in high school. No joke. We would crowd around a trash can, and recall fond memories of the dearly cracked or ink deficient instrument, followed by promising to remember it forever before casting it into the chasm of half eaten lunches and crumpled notebook paper. I don’t treasure my pens now like I did then, but every time I have to toss one out, I remember Elizabeth faking tears and Carolyn whining, “we’ll miss youuuu!” and I laugh.
And there’s nothing like a comfortable bra. Cacique is a great company, but they’re one of those places that never stops making changes. I’m never sure if I should buy six of the same kind because the next time I walk in that style will have been discontinued, or if I should just buy one in case I end up hating it.
What always happens, unfortunately, is that I buy one or two and hate them for a couple of months until my old ones break beyond repair, and then I get used to the new ones. The new ones then become the old ones, and I have to buy newer ones, which by that time have been canceled forever, so I buy different ones and hate them for a few months and the cycle continues.
"Data, there's a chance this replicator unit may be damaged."
(Terrible image mash-up by me, original images appropriated from
the Star Trek wiki &
In conclusion: buying new stuff to replace your old favorite stuff is the worst. I’m waiting for the day that a Star Trek style replicator gets invented so that I can just be like, “Bra. Cacique. Off White.”

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